#1 Why It Hurts to Want
Many of us unicorns out here, trying to get our act together, often find ourselves saying, “Man, why do I have to want this!?” You say that not because you are being unreasonable but because it hurts to not get it, time and time again.
And then we go ahead and try to align with that desire by feeling as if we have it. But after the high wears off we just feel worse.
Why is that?
Because it’s been unsafe to want what we want. Here’s what happened, okay?
We experienced disappointment, rejection, or judgment, which we then accepted for connection’s sake. So, it makes sense why we are hesitant to pursue what we truly want, doesn’t it?
I hope so, because you and I must stop saying, why do I keep feeling so bad for wanting this? And why do I have to want this!? Ok. So now we know.
We want to feel free to be ourselves. And our “selves” were denied to be themselves – or a certain part of us was – and so we threw that part and their silly wants to the basement of our mind.
But do you think they are gone?
Nope. Still there! Sitting there twiddling their thumbs, no iPhone, no nothing, making you want that silly want while a guard stands at their door making you feel …
– listen closely here –
both: safe for not letting them out of the basement and chasing that dumbass dream, and trapped for not being able to be you.
Sucks chunks! And I’ve had my share of this. Just like you, my little French fry. Just. Like. You.
#2 The Spiritual Side of Wanting
Realize this ..
Your desires represent your unique passion, talents, and purpose in life. But even more, they represent a powerful spiritual path – if you choose it.
By overcoming any shame and guilt for our preferences and passions, we traverse the evolutionary path of becoming ourselves!
It’s quite spiritual to want what you want- in my book. (As long as we are respecting others-just in case you misunderstand me here).
#3 The Disappointment Parade
So, enough time spent down in that dark moldy basement, certain beliefs set in, and then the real shitshow begins. A Disappointments Parade marches through our life like a Samba festival in Portugal.
Endless.
These disappointments stack up as evidence, sealing the basement door. It’s official: it is impossible and even wrong to have what we want. So, we cease and desist giving attention to that desire and instead just feel crappy.
A lot of the time. It is brutal.
#4 How To Face The Resistance
To overcome these monstrous challenges – and they are Godzilla-sized, family pack, Costco Brand-sized challenges – it’s important to tell ourselves, starting today right now, that we are right to want what we want, even if our life experiences have tried to convince us otherwise!
I know. It’s bold.
Let’s talk about your wants for a sec. Do you have coffee? Or chocolate and peanut butter? I hope so.
So let’s ask, what is something you would like but isn’t easy to think about? Just one thing. Put it out of your head in a safe distant place, say a table nearby. Just see it there.
What is it that you secretly want? I’m not talking about fetishes really but I guess you can include them. Is it you living in Egypt, making three times your bills, looking super sexy, being made a priority, being honored and respected, a fancy car? What if you deep down want a fancy car?
Imagine your object or achievement there, on the table. Maybe we should put it on a cloud as far as you need to not feel threatened by it! Better?
Now what if, instead of imagining a future You with that, instead you were to notice how thinking about it truly makes you feel. What happens when you think about it?
It’s scaaaarrry, I know! But if I truly take stock of my resistance to a desire, I feel less worse. Only a little bit. But this can change the game because you are opening up the door to a hurt part and they stop screaming in pain!
It’s almost like you open the door for the pain to leave by feeling what you feel. It’s quite paradoxical!
And I am willing to let myself have a good life! Clients tell me even in their tears how good it is to connect with themselves and their old hurts. They can be freed of them! I see this every session, not kidding.
But maybe that is too difficult! Yes. Connecting with the feeling of what we want can be brutal. That is because we may have learned to dissociate from our feelings to cope with past pain or trauma.
In addition, society often teaches us to prioritize logic and reason over intuition and emotion, which can make it difficult to trust our inner guidance.
We might think that if we give attention to that feeling, we give credence to the limitation. It’s better to pull the wool over our eyes. But it is not like this, my friend.
I needed to understand that I was just feeling a “part’s” truth, not my whole truth
#5 Tracking Builds Inner Trust
What you can do in that case is to track it. Meaning, think about it and notice all the stuff that comes up, the good and bad, excitement, and fear. Noticing the changes to your resistance can decrease the resistance. This is a great positive focus application!
You will begin to free Basement You, calm the Guards’ jets, and change your relationship to that desire. This builds inner trust. Do you see how that works? I know this is a lot to digest in one spot. Just take what relates.
Someone probably said that how we feel about our desire indicates the proximity of it manifesting in our reality. I think it was Abraham Hicks where I heard it. The greater the resistance to the desire, the deeper our anchor is into that old system. And vice versa.
I started to notice this mechanism without trying to force myself into a new narrative. And could gradually be with that desire and eventually took action.
#6 Expectations
Combined with desire it is like jet fuel for the manifestation. That’s why positive focus (without too much resistance) is so popular. It works.
Why? Expectation ignites action, which then brings that reality into your world. The intention is to gradually increase the level of expectation. Now with a bit of incipient, baby bunny expectation, you will take action.
You will allow your body to make a text, look up some info on Egypt just for fks sake etc. Do not think you are being silly. And just a dreamer.
When you start to take stupid little researchy actions on things that excite you, what is happening? Basement You and the guard brokering a deal. You don’t even need to know the details. But they are in meetings!
Then what happens? Your actions create mini-results. Notice them! Basement You will want you to ignore said results. So listen to her and see if she has fears about it. Maybe advocate for something they need, like a particular boundary that needs setting before they will cooperate.
Can you investigate that? We are talking today all about how to want what you want. And that will help directly.
#7 The Snowball Method
You don’t believe it, but you take some silly action. You accumulate a bit of evidence, a handful of snow. And you start to pack it in hard. Like really press it. Till you have a tennis ball size. You notice your silly action. Boom. Added snow. You track your feelings about your desire. Boom. More snow packed.
Now, you could do some major damage with this little snowball. But you can’t make a snowman yet. So keep packing. Make another text. Be brave in little steps! Check under your bed for money.
I found a small stash I forgot about, and it helped fund my trip to Europe, where I am living right now. Not kidding. Check all your pockets.
These small or big and with little faith actions are Basement you and Guard brokering your freedom. You must not see them as insignificant. If you are doing anything you have SOME belief! Now keep packing.
You have built the Snowman’s lower body and are on the chest!
And then one day you don’t feel so off when you think about your desire. You feel a little fluffy and less jagged and less like giving up.
#8 Fluffiness is a Sign Your Beliefs Are Literally Changing
When you begin to feel less resistant as you ponder your desires, it means your wish is getting closer to being a match for your beliefs. The feeling will inform us.
It shows that even though your brain will argue that it can’t come true, documents are being signed in the basement.
The subconscious is feeling like a kitty in a field of flowers and wants you to keep expecting things you desire!
# 9 Affirmations!
“I am right to want what I want, even if my life has tried to convince me otherwise.”
“Manifesting my desires is a spiritual journey that ignites my courage and self-compassion.”
“When wanting what I want feels bad and wrong, this is my soul bumping up against lies that are wanting free.”
The power of wanting what you want is the clearing of the disconnect between worthiness to have it. Essentially self acceptance. It’s not easy but it’s a powerful medicine, even in the smallest of doses. isn’t it?
#10 TLDR
Wanting what you want is not selfish or unrealistic. It’s a natural expression of who you are and what you are here to do.
Want what you want. If not, observe that you can’t.
Resistance to your desires is your soul trying to grow.
To embrace your desires with expectations, track your feelings and listen to the needs your pain is wanting you to meet before it will cooperate.
Connect with and then advocate for Basement You, who was punished for wanting anything or a specific thing. Make any necessary accommodations – set a boundary!
As it feels more comfortable to align with your desires, the more actions you will take on the desire’s behalf. And vice versa!
Notice the results. Build a snowman with this formula.
Go to Egypt or whatever makes your heart sing and do cartwheels.
Stay extremely well and fluffy,
Lauren