When subconscious fears prevent your dreams, aka you are getting triggered left and right trying to move your life forward – it means there is a part deep down still giving very draining f***s.
Let’s look at what is happening from an inner parts angle.
The Shut Down 🛑
Change demands new “permission slips” to have, be, or do something, triggering deep resistance because we’re awakening parts of ourselves shut off for safety in childhood.
Often, these aspects were expressed and subsequently rejected, shamed, or taken advantage of. For instance, if you had to care for a sibling while avoiding your mother’s temper, you might have naturally had to suppress your playfulness. If expressing joy was met with shame, you may feel guilty having fun.
You may crave more joy, play, and spontaneity as an adult, but negative feelings arise when you step outside routines, resulting in relaxation guilt. This causes resentment towards the part of you maintaining strict control, leaving you stuck and unable to feel good in any direction.
Thinking about changes that shake your safety foundations inadvertently probes these shut-down parts and the wound that shuts them down.
The Soul's Sprout 🌱
The very challenge you are facing is part of you wanting growth – like a sprout from a deeply buried seed pushing up from your soul.
We usually see this as an insurmountable problem with no solutions in sight.
That is a part of you. A deep inner part stuck in past hurts and beliefs. This part maintains “safety” and is responsible for giving all those draining f***s.
The Guard 💂
It’s as if you are standing at a wall and can hear the sounds of your desired life—laughter, fulfillment, people jumping in a pool on a hot day- on the other side. But as you try to climb or even go around it- a voice inside your head—a protector part—holds you at gunpoint saying it’s for your own good to stay away.
What if this guard was installed to avoid the pain of rejection, shame, and harm?
What if the more you want something, the more threatened the guard feels, wielding more weapons to keep you “safe.”
Weapons like excuses about why your idea is stupid and impossible, too risky, or that you are unqualified. This is how desire can increase resistance, which is quite annoying when you practice manifesting!
Draining F***s 😳
There were 3 life changes that – now in retrospect, I can see – required me to access parts I had shut down: a career change, ending my marriage, and moving abroad alone. These began right there at that wall of impossibility: I can’t support myself alone, who am I to have success, I’m not worthy of a good life.
These were not sprints out the gate. They felt heavy and wrong (but right). The pain of inauthenticity made me angry and ashamed, yet I felt powerless to change it.
What were the draining f***s? I need to suffer to be good. I need to win them over to be valued. I can’t take control of my life, someone else must. Ouch! It’s not pretty.
emotions 🥲
At some point, this existential crisis will break, and you will see this fear for what it is: a false warning from a hurt self ( a draining f***). This can be a painful realization but in a good way.
You might grieve or feel intense rage or indignancy! The healing takes place when you get what you had to go through. You respect what f*** they had to give for love and safety. This is your profound shift.
A new frame 🖼️
Try framing being triggered as being in a part that is giving too many f****s. You will naturally start to feel like you are not that part entirely and instead a Self in charge being run by various drives and motives.
fine the right f*** exercise ✍️
Awareness of the actual f*** aka fear is like finding a brick-dissolving solution. But we still need to pour it on the wall! That is where any small action plays a pivotal role. Your action will create belief in yourself and your plan. Start with small, manageable actions like journaling your fears.
One exercise in my coaching program is to write all the reasons or excuses why something is a bad idea—all the f****s. Then, imagine each problem and ask yourself, “If this is not the case do I still feel resistance?”
step 1 🌱
List all the reasons that come up. Feel free to let it all out. Be irrational!
For example, say you want to make a social media post or video but are super triggered and can’t complete the script.
- They will hate me.
- Nobody cares what I have to say.
- I will be successful, and that’s too much pressure.
- I look xyz
step 2 🌱
Go down your list one by one imagining that each one is not an issue and see how you feel until you land on the one – when not a reality – you no longer feel that triggered when you think of your goal.
For example, let’s use: “Nobody cares what I have to say,”
You could imagine positive feedback and how that feels. If it is the real issue, you would suddenly feel energy and lightness and want to write your script, at least in this fantasy land. You would know why you are crying or frustrated and have clarity on the belief messing up your self-expression.
The draining f*** could be “my words have no value” or “if the right people don’t like what I say I have no value.
step 3 🌱
If your number one block were true – in the example: no one gave positive feedback – are there resources or people to help you change that? Are there role models who overcame the same situation?
Could you still focus on your goals despite the snag and not have it define you? This is not easy but it can be done.
Brutal and Empowering 💪
Your courage will be called upon. You need to believe in something before there’s evidence. A cool thing happens though.
In our example, as she allowed more spontaneity and started investing in her hobbies, she began to stand up to problematic meddling and bullying by her family.
My client found that permission to have joy unlocked her courage to set boundaries. What were the extra fs? Guilt for relaxing or doing things for herself.
What are your draining f****? Find these. You will be pleasantly surprised what happens when your guard gets a break and you are carrying fewer fs.
We need to let those two parts – your pain part and the conscious one who wants a better situation – to start hashing it out! Find someone to help you do this. I did this with a friend and then found a shadow work coach (shameless plug). Let those parts actually talk it through. Cry it through. Let that shit out and get through it.
Your life and sprout are waiting.
Lauren Stewart
Shadow work coach from the US living in Portugal. I enjoy singing, fried eggs, feeding stray kitties, the occasional improv jam, and brewing Kombucha.
For YouEmerging info check 👉 here.
Remain wild,
Lauren